It’s essential that we develop the capacity to not take our conditioning, and even our conditioned identity, personally. Equally essential is that we develop the will to unpack our own conditioning honestly, to the foundation.
The culture wars that are coming to a boil are inflamed because we take our conditioning personally, and feel shame in all the places that conditioning has alienated us from our original, noble nature. And then not having the will or the necessary skills to recognize and metabolize shame, and receive its gifts in the process, we react and project blame or stagnate in personalized, internalized shame.
No one taught us how to work with shame gracefully, effectively. No one taught us that it can illuminate and catalyze, like anger, but is never meant to hang around. It’s only visiting to deliver a message. Once we receive the message, which is just a reflection of where we are out of alignment with our own integrity, wholeness and dignity, shame is instantly metabolized. It's meant to touch us in the space of a moment, to activate insight and the will for change and self-honesty, and to be instantly transformed into self-love!
The most powerful medicines are toxic at the wrong dose or when we relate to them without respect.
Suppressing shame and outsourcing shame (we have a society and culture built to encourage both of these reactions) merely recycles shame. Shaming shame is also reactive and is not the answer. It has gifts for us. We have the capacity to metabolize it and transmute it. It was never meant to be used as a weapon against each other or against self; that is just defensive ego outsourcing the pain and rejecting the message, rather than receiving the message, the invitation and opportunity to create better alignment.