What I wish men understood, and wonder if most do not:
That we, feminine creatures and consciousness, do not see your failures as shameful.
(Some do, but they are immature and not seeing you clearly. We who see you clearly want you to know without a doubt that we do not consider failure shameful, and we don’t consider your failures shameful.)
We have all been fed a massive lie about failure. And for men it seems the pressure to not fail is the worst, is beyond epic, coming at you from all sides. The patriarchal cultural mythology suggests that a man who fails is not even really a man, that his whole identity and sense of masculinity depends on him NOT FAILING.
I’m sure I don’t understand the half of it—how it is for men in patriarchy—but I have been watching and listening closely, with my heart to your chest, for a very long time now, and I am pretty sure it must be no fun to live inside that construct that tells you you can’t be Man if you fail.
Please fail often.
I know the value of failure. I know it well. I know how it will teach a soul to stop and listen, to listen deeper than they’ve ever listened before, and to learn. How failure teaches a soul to recognize the strength and intelligence in GROWING HUMBLE.
So, please let yourself fail.
Let yourself be honest with yourself (and with well-chosen others) about the failures. Acknowledge them.
And then sit with them.
First, understand that your worth is unimpeachable. You are wanted, needed and loved in your perfect uniqueness. Center here, in this knowledge that there is no failure that can damage your inherent worth.
When you can hold yourself in that awareness regardless of what is happening between you and The Other, begin to tune in to the gift frequencies of your failures, and see what is there to be learned.
There is no shame in not knowing what you don’t know. And, the invitation to open to deeper learning is always here.
It is possible to let your relationship with failure be transformed, such that you come to see that failure is not the enemy and failure does not require shame.